It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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