i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
