Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
