This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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