My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
