god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
