if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
