I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
