were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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