If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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