I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
