Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
