He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
