You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
