THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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