is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
