you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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