Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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