I have demons in me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
