I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
