And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
