He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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