This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
