Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
