i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
