I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
