Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
