I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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