cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
