well you can't waste a boner
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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