You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The air was thick with penises
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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