If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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