she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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