I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
