I showed him my bush... on skype.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
