Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
