Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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