if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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