At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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