i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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