Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
