Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
