Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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