today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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