I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
