Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
