Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
