its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
