Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
