dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
