I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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