This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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