this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize