There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
