Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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