Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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