Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
