Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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