something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
