I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
