i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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