Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
