period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
