You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
