It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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